omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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