With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
