I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
