I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
