we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize