im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
