wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
