If i come over, it means nothing
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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