...so i touched it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
