she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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