if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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