i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
