dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
