Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
