Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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