Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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