Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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