we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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