take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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