just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
