I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
