I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
