I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
worst night to have a conscience
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
