Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
