I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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