the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize