omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize