I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
