we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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