hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
