Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i was born a porn star she said
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
