babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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