i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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