Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize