he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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