I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
