Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
