imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
