Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
