I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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