We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i drank out of a bidet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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