my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize