you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
