he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
