I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
