my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
