Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
