pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
