how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
