his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
