Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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