It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
