I just saw a hot homeless man
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
