If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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