Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
