I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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