i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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