I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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