I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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