can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the day after is always just damage control
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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