I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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