I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
