Im at strip club and am horny
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
