Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
